"Or Maybe": A Game of Wits & Absurdity

Creative challenges abound in the Virginia City Opera House. From otherworldly interruptions; to memorizing an entire new vaudeville show in a week while performing another vaudeville show; to me tripping over stuff; to creating and committing to strong character choices without rehearsal, these challenges can make a clumsy actress (not me) anxious as we transition from one play to the next. And because Phantom of the Opera has been our most dramatic and technically complex show of all, I especially needed an outlet for nerves, angst, and my ongoing need to be ridiculous. But what better way to stay fun and silly and uncluttered than to present my mind with a different kind of creative challenge?

On the opening night of Phantom of the Opera, we debuted our vaudeville costumes to one another. The first variety number -- an all-male quintet -- was to be performed in bright red-and-white-striped t-shirts and shorts. Now, while the photo below may not look too abrasive, up close these babies are a lot to force upon your retinae. As I glimpsed them for the first time (and subsequently sang my eyeballs a reassuring lullaby to get them to calm down), I wondered aloud -- charmingly and without judgment, of course -- why this outfit dared exist. Maybe it's supposed to blind and disable your enemies. Maybe it's a reassuring ensemble for those who live in constant fear that a plane is going to land on them. Maybe it's what Christmas lovers wear on hunting ground so they won't be shot. 

As I continued to theorize about the potential reasons behind the invention of the dreaded red and white stripes, I could not resist the temptation to make this a daily feat. So, each and every performance, I challenged myself to create a new explanation for them. There were days I almost didn't make it, but here they all are. 32 performances, 32 possibilities. We may never know the true purpose of these "clothes." Of course, as I reluctantly conceded to the quintet, "it could just be a fun and flamboyant outfit you wear to initiate the audience into a colorful variety show...

Or maybe...

• you're an unfinished human checkerboard, and someone out there in vertical red and white stripes is looking for you.
• it's Santa's sexy lingerie.
  
• it's the long underwear the Wicked Witch of the West's wears on Opposite Day.
  
• it's the fur of a nuclear tiger.
  
• it's the racetrack of professionally competitive microorganisms.
  
• it's what heteronormative parents' give their effeminate sons in an attempt to ween them off the color pink.
  
• it's a "Bashful Clownfish" Halloween costume.
• it's a minimalist artist's extraordinarily offensive depiction of the first Thanksgiving.
  
• it's what the Swiss Army wears on Casual Friday.
• it's some insidious, subliminal way of giving us a craving for Budweiser.

• you're part of the base of an American flag cheerleading pyramid.
• it's a regulation approved Halloween costume for air traffic controllers.
  
• it's what people wear to fascism conventions when they are undecided between communism and white nationalism.
  
• it's what Chicken Pox looks like when polka dots are so last season.
• it's what medieval torture victims wore before being contorted into a circular shape and used by archers for target practice.
  
• it's the PJs that superheroes wear so that in case they sleepfly, they'll still streak colors through the sky (å la Powerpuff Girls).

• you're a talking ice cream cone from a new Burger King ad for strawberry vanilla swirl.
• it's an anti-gun alternative to birdhunting: you simply spin around really fast, making the birds dizzy so that they'll fall to the ground. No bullets necessary.
  
• it was the prototype for the American mascot, then they thought, "Ew, a ginger* in pajamas? Let's pick a bird or something."
• it's a cubist performance artist's portrayal of a slain polar bear.
• it's the skin of a really angry zebra.
  
• it's some insidious, subliminal way of giving us a craving for Coca Cola.

• you're a Dr. Seuss character that has escaped into the 3rd dimension.
• it's an optical illusion like the patterns you find on the internet. Is it really moving (and walking and talking) or is it just a 2-dimensional picture?
  
• it's what patriotic Alabamians wear underneath their clothes every day.
  
• somewhere out there is a guy in a blue star-spangled outfit looking for you.
  
• it's camouflage to allow you to blend in with a forest of popcorn cups.
  

• it's the logo art of the newest product from Heinz: Stepbrothers' Fancy Sauce.**
• it's the skin of a personified candy cane.
  
• somewhere out there is someone with white and red stripes that complement your red and white stripes, and if you hug, the universe will implode.
  
• Ralph Lauren was out of ideas and had a deadline to meet.
  
• you're a powder jelly donut that Wolverine got really mad at."

::drops mic::

* See left-most person in 1st picture for aforementioned ginger.
** Reference to the movie, Stepbrothers, in which Will Ferrell's favorite sauce, "Fancy Sauce," is a mixture of mayonnaise and ketchup.